WARNING: Maniacal ramblings of a tired, cranky mom dead ahead.
Lately I feel like I am losing my mind. Alright, really I feel that way most of the time but I feel it more than ever lately.
My darling husband has been gone since the beginning of March on a work trip and will not return until the end of April. And the part that's killing me is that it isn't just this trip. After that he will be gone for a year. The whole year. So every crappy day I have I think, "This is my life for the next year." On the good days I think, "I can do this. I just have to stay positive. This is manageable." But on those crappy days I think I am going to need a straight jacket and a padded room before he returns. But if I was in the padded room, who would take care of Emma?!
Usually when he is away I cook A LOT less and do take out A LOT more. Not healthy, but necessary for survival. But this time around Celiac Disease has reared its ugly head and I can no longer pick up a Little Caesar's Hot and Ready on the way home. Now I'm scouring the fridge for something gluten free to feed the little tykes and before I know it it's 8pm and I haven't eaten because I forgot/got too busy/nothing sounds good. Clearly this is a habit I cannot continue for the next year.
EMMA IS STARTING HER PUMP AT THE END OF APRIL!! This is something that we have wanted since she was diagnosed and were so disappointed the last time she was supposed to start but had an insurance mix up. Now it is here and I am freaking out in a big way. Mostly I am scared because of her blasted pancreatic cells that won't just DIE ALREADY (sounds terrible, but it's inevitable so let's get on with it) and I am so scared of dropping her lower than low. I can put her to bed at 300 and the child wakes up at 80. She was in the ER about a month ago after a severe barfing incident and I kept telling them, "She's going to go low if you don't give her something," and I kept nagging them and the next thing we knew she was 58. She just drops and drops and doesn't stop. So while I am excited about the pump I am so nervous. And the fact that my husband won't even be here to learn about it is not helping matters.
So in the meantime I am dealing with my stress by eating unhealthy amounts of Peanut Butter Brownie Bars and doing things like leaving candles burning for 5 hours when I am not home and leaving my car door hanging open in front of my house from 4pm until midnight when I finally thought, "Oh. I don't think I locked the car door," and then wondered why it wouldn't lock when I pushed the clicker...because it was still OPEN.
Keystone First Denial - Fighting Back Part 2
6 years ago
Amanda...yikes! No hubby for a year. Go ahead and lose it. (But come back tomorrow :)
ReplyDeleteYou can do this! I'm sure Wendy (Candy Hearts) has tips for easy on the go snacks and dinners...email her! (Plus she has in her archives lists of what she keeps in her pantry.) Her email is on her blog. Also, my D Mom friend Jennie has a new blog with gluten free recipes. And have you seen the blog, "A Year Of Slow Cooking." Millions of recipes, and all gluten free! Throw in the pot in the morning, and it's all ready by dinner! (Is is annoying giving all of these tips? What ever I tell you, you still have to MAKE dinner, and there is no getting away from the crappiness of it all. ;(
But the pump...the pump! It will change everything! It will be better, I promise! Since her long acting is delivered in tiny puffs all day long, (this is called her basal,) if she starts going low you can turn off the basal for an hour or so to get her back up.
And those forgetful moments, I have them all the time. A couple years ago I honestly thought I was losing my mind...I used to never forget things, but at the time I was forgetting EVERYTHING!!! It goes in phases. :) You can do this!!!
BIG.FAT.HUGS.TO.YOU my friend. Please feel free to lose it. You are in good company here, I think we are all freakin' CRAZY!!!
ReplyDeleteI cannot even imagine parenting and D alone for a year. More (((HUGS))).
I really wish we lived closer! I can't imagine how hard that'll be with him gone. And I do the same thing-- I hardly cook when Caleb is gone and we all just eat junk.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting the pump though! You are going to absolutely love it!! It's a bit crazy at first, but once you get used to things, you won't ever go back to MDI. "Pumping Insulin" is a good book for starting out.
And FWIW, I still do 95% of the diabetes stuff even with Caleb around. He can count carbs and give insulin and that's easy to learn on the pump. But I do all the site changes and all the tweaking of the pump settings. I figure a lot of managing diabetes is watching for trends, and since he's gone all day, I'm better off doing that stuff anyway. He doesn't even check C during the night. I know I'd just bug him about what her number was and what he did, and then I might as well have done it myself.
ReplyDeleteDo I sound obsessive?
You can do this. You WILL do this! And you'll be awesome! You'll love the pump! And I hear Chick-fil-A has a good gluten free menu! (((hugs))). I've become really forgetful, too. It's ok!
ReplyDeleteOh I hope it felt good to get that out! One day at a time, that's all you can do. You can absolutely do this! I like what Meri said - lose it but be back tomorrow. I think we all probably lose it every once in a while and it's ok. My husband typically is out of town as well. It can be tough. Pumping will be great. Just one day at a time, one thing at a time and vent away to all of us!
ReplyDeleteOh my Amanda! I cannot imagine my husband gone for 2 nights let alone one year.BUT.. If there is one thing Diabets has taught me it is that I am capable of doing things I never ever thought I would be able to do. Feel free to lose it anytime..esp online..but know that you can do it and you will be ok!!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about starting the night at 300 and waking at 80...the same thing happens with Addison. Numbers are so unpredictable sometimes thanks to the honeymoon...
Hang in there lady! We are all here if you need us!!
I wish we lived close to you. We would have so much fun being crazy moms together! By the way, did you ever get a hold of my aunt? I think she has 2 diabetic kids now. She really seems to manage everything well and would have some wonderful advice, if you need any. Sometimes I'm sure you get so tired of advice. Anyway, I miss you !! Oh yeah, I'm coming to UT in may... where do you live?
ReplyDelete