The last two days have been crazy. Emma's BG has been through the roof with no explanation that I can think of. And then when I correct her she bottoms out in the 50s. So I know the insulin is getting to her - maybe I just need to raise her I:C ratio?
I checked her BG when we were at church today and it was 396. I gave her half the correction I should have because she had two more hours to go and I didn't want her to go low again.
Then I sat there on the verge of tears for the rest of church feeling REALLY pissed off. All of my "be positive" and "remember my blessings" went out the window. I hate this disease. I hate what it does to my daughter. I hate worrying all the time. I felt so much anger. I wished that diabetes had a physical form that I could fight away - that I could protect her from. Or that I could gather her in my arms and run and run and escape it all. And then I realized if I ran I would just be far away with no diabetes supplies! And I felt trapped. And really really mad.
When I picked her up from her class at the end of church she was perky and smiling and her BG came in at 167. And I felt relieved. And really really mad.
Keystone First Denial - Fighting Back Part 2
6 years ago
Oh Amanda! I've so been there. I have SO SO been there. ((HUGS)) I hope that things even out for her soon. It won't be wonky forever, you can do this!! Kick its arse woman!
ReplyDelete::hugs:: It does suck. And I think it's normal/healthy/necessary to be able to let yourself break down every once in a while. I feel like I do a decent job dealing with diabetes, but every so often something gets to me and I have a good cry, or mental screaming fit and then I get over it and I deal with things just fine again.... until my next little fit.
ReplyDeleteI am so with you! I haven't been my usual positive self this past week either..D has been misbehaving all over the place apparently! Pat yourself on the back for reducing the correction and ending up in good numbers!! I am sending you big hugs and D butt kicking power straight from Seattle, WA!
ReplyDeleteGetting mad is good sometimes. I think it has pushed me to continue on through many things.
ReplyDeleteHang in there... you are an awesome mom. Emma is one very lucky little lady :)
Wow, must be something in the summertime are as Isaac's BG has been all over the place. Just last night we were at a baseball game and checked him before having a snack...415. WHAT? So we corrected. 1.5hrs later he seemed to be acting a bit different, I thought maybe he was developing ketones. So, we checked again...156, once again WHAT?!
ReplyDeleteSo, I hear you. I keep thinking "really, really???"
I wonder what life would be like if I didn't always have to worry, but I don't focus there too long. Instead I try to remember that we are all doing our best with what we've got right now.
You're doing your best and that's darn good!
We also traveled with the fam to disneyland this last dec and had no trouble with security or supplies, ect. We packed double had a letter and enjoyed Mickey!
Same here, same here. Apparently insulin is absorbeed really quickly in the hot weather and lots of people have been caught out with this. Us too. Diabetics all over the world are slumping into their french fries as their isulin becomes the hare and the food the tortoise in their bodies.
ReplyDeleteI think your anger and frustration is totally justified. This condition is so bloody unpredictable.
Big hugs from England, you are doing an amazing job. Allow the anger, it is surely nothing but healthy.
I think we are all in the same boat...I am in a huge "D" burn out mode here...xoxo
ReplyDeleteI hate the damn disease!
Oh welcome to our lives. We hit a 434 on the beach. I wanted to throw the whole damn diabetes bag in the ocean! Hang in there, days will get better. We have a lot of people all in the same boat, and that in and of itself, in a blessing in it all.
ReplyDeleteOh friend, I've been there....we've all been there and we'll be there again.
ReplyDeleteBut your daughter is so blessed to have you taking such good care of her!
Pat yourself on the back for handling that one and just move on.
((hugs))
Well, you know I've been feeling angry. Not all the time. But sometimes. I feel really, really pissed. I know the feeling of wanting to run away. I Know the feeling of being trapped. What I don't know, is how to make it better or what to say. So feel angry. Hit pillows. Scream in the shower. Eat chocolate. Whatever it takes. And know you're not alone. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteAnger -- it's par for the D course. Sure does stink, though, huh? I hope Emma's numbers have improved and you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteBTW...could she be going through a growth spurt? That's the first thing that came to my mind. Or is the summer's heat getting to her (or to her insulin)?
Hey there, I haven't been on your extra sweet blog for a while. It was good to catch up! I just have to say, I'm angry at it, too. LAME! One of my friends here in NYC has a little boy Max's age that was just Dx'd. I cried reading the story thinking of how crazy the time surrounding a Dx is, and thought about you and that morning I talked to you after E's Dx. Sigh. Anyway, I love you to death. You are equal to this task! You're even MORE than equal!
ReplyDelete